Sleep strike?

So on top of my little Aud-ball's crazy shenannegans, she has now added no sleep to her arsenal. If this is an attempt at crushing any last bit of patience I have, it just might work. And my house my also be crushed in the process. Because Audrey is just not the kind of kid that you can leave in the living room with a book and some toys while you go do all of your housework. One of three things happen when I try to accomplish chores while Audrey is awake. She either a) screams bloody murder if I gate her in an adjacent room, b) follows behind me undoing everything I just did and then some (think, folding laundry while a tiny closet monster is around the corner taking every article of clothing off of shelves and hangers), or c) she is happy being unattended because she can accomplish so much more destruction when she doesn't have to stop to run from me every 5 minutes. I don't know about you, but not one of those options is appealing to me. So any major chores I needed to get done were always done during nap and bedtime. She has completely boycotted naps the last week. My house hates me. So I have only been cleaning up anything after she goes to bed and I'm sure my neighbors must think I'm a vampire when they hear my vacuum going at 1 am. I don't mind staying up late, but unlike those lucky vampires, I don't have a dark box to lock myself in all day long and sleep. Nope, I believe I am down to about 4-6 hours of sleep a night on average. Now I won't lie, not every night is dedicated to cleaning. I also have nights where my neighbors, friends, and I will all get together for some wine. And really, isn't some wine kind of a motherhood necessity? Especially moms of toddlers....or small children.....or teens.....ok so it is probably going to be a staple for at least the next 16 years. Lol. Wine has probably saved the sanity of mothers for centuries. For me, it is kind of like a reset button at the end of the day. My body and mind get so tightly wound that I could probably snap at any moment. But bedtime rolls around, I sit down with a nice glass of wine, and watch some dramatic bravo tv. I'm pretty sure I feel my blood pressure and adrenaline levels decreasing by the minute and then I'm reset to do it all over again the next day. But it's only noon right now so wine is still a ways away......

A little update

I know, that was quick. But there were a few little gems I wanted to write about so I don't forget later.

First things first, Operation Marker Removal was a total failure. Crayola-287, Jill-0. And naptime was a failure as well because Audrey has decided she doesn't need naps. The endless temper tantrums she throws all afternoon beg to differ, but there is no reasoning with a 2 year old. And unfortunately there is no way to force your kids to sleep. I'm pretty sure sticking benadryl in their bottle is frowned upon these days. So I get up to her room to let her out and she immediately yells "I peeeeeed!" And she was so excited about it that I just couldn't get mad at the fact that it was on her upholstered chair and the carpet. So I just let myself laugh and say "you sure did." But by far the cutest moment of my day? As she raced past me and out the door, I noticed something was off about her outfit. She had gotten her little striped leggings back on all the way and they were even the right direction. The only indication that she had been dressed with 2 year old motor skills was the little bright orange tag fluttering behind her. I was so proud that I haven't even taken them off to turn em right side out yet.

Ahhhhhh naptime

Perfect time for me to sit down, take a breath, and scrub marker stains out of my carpet. I don't know about you, but that is definitely my idea of total relaxation.........just kidding. But it does need to get done so here I am. We must have an abundance of markers, crayons, and pens in this house because no matter how many I catch her with and hide away, she always manages to find more. I think maybe it's a pest problem. Little multicolored crayola gremlins breaking their friends out of marker jail. So every day, audzilla will find some form of coloring tools. Sometimes i'll catch her before she has begun tattooing herself or turning my carpet into an art project, but as soon as she sees me, she makes a mad dash so as not to lose her colors. I am usually able to catch her quickly and snag the markers, only to notice that she already had them uncapped. And of course during the epic chase she has been tripping, falling, and climbing over almost every inch of the room leaving a trail of orange and green marks in her wake. And I don't know what kind of cleaner crayola uses, but those markers are not as "washable" as they so boldly proclaim. I have tried oxy clean, spot shot, even my little green carpet shampooer is no match. I have been scouring the internet for more unconventional methods. Today I will be trying rubbing alcohol. If that fails, it will be on to hot water and vinegar. Thank god for scentsy and Yankee candles because my house would smell, um, interesting without it. Between the marker gremlins and the filthy liars who labeled them washable, I'm pretty sure crayola has a conspiracy against me. Their only saving grace is color wonder. I may give every other form of writing utensils in my house a burial at sea and use nothing but color wonder. Yes, I will be the crazy lady at the store with my color wonder sketchpad open to a pink marker written grocery list. Don't judge. It may be the only way to salvage what's left of my flooring.

My first ever blog post....here goes nothin!

Welcome to my blog, if there is anyone here to welcome that is. Lol. I have never been a Blogger, but as I sat in bed after a very late night hanging with a girlfriend that turned into a very early morning with my daughter, I thought it might be nice to have an outlet for some of my insanity. Maybe it will be entertaining for someone. And if nothing else, at least there will be a record of my life if I do completely lose my mind. This possibility is seeming very likely by the way. Lol. So I guess I will begin this blog with a little history.

Before I had my daughter, I was very much NOT a kid person. I was the youngest in my family and I never babysat. Like, never ever. I don't think any parents were knocking down my door to have me watch their kids either. I think I just gave off that non kid person vibe. But when I got pregnant, I was ecstatic. I was even more elated when I found out it was a girl. I was completely sure that I was going to get this sweet, innocent, little princess. Sugar and spice and everything nice, right? Well I think they added a few extra ingredients with my little one. I would imagine they added a little tobasco, maybe some lemon, and they must've spilled the whole package of caffeine in there. My dreams of quiet tea parties and mommy daughter pedicures definitely are nowhere in sight. And don't get me wrong, my daughter is incredible. She's strong and determined and so smart. And she has her sweet moments that are that much sweeter because they're so rare. She is definitely one of a kind. But from day one, she has challenged me. Sometimes past what I thought I could handle. I have no doubt this little girl will teach me more in life than I ever imagined.

This blog will often be stories of the madness that has become the norm in my house. My husband's friends came up with the nickname Audzilla (her name is Audrey) when she was only 10 months old. And I can't think of a nickname much more fitting than that. As an infant, she would cry for hours because she just wanted to go, do, and see everything, and at 2 months, she was usually stuck staring at her hands. She was frustrated to say the least. Once she became mobile, the crying slowed but she certainly didn't. She was all over the place, getting into everything she could, and stopping at nothing. Now that she is coming up on her second birthday, she has only gotten more wild. If I could bottle the endless energy she has I'd be a millionaire. She is nonstop. At 18 months she could climb on every counter in the house by just pulling up and climbing her feet up the wall. Now, she climbs up and over 8 ft chain link fences. And the amount of destruction she creates is incredible. My days consist of lots of chasing, scolding, time outs, and just general craziness. I'm sure many moms can relate. Sometimes you laugh, sometimes you cry, and sometimes you just wanna lock yourself in your closet and wait the the chaos to stop. I will probably be blogging about all of those days.

Today was most definitely a "hide in the closet" kind of day. I stayed up with my friend until almost 4am and I anticipated being tired today. I just didn't know quite how tired I'd be. As soon as I got into my nice, warm bed, miss Audrey wakes up and comes bounding into my room. Apparently, 4am seemed like the right time to start the day. Too bad my previous day hadn't even ended yet. I spent a couple hours trying to get her to go back to sleep but she was not having it. Finally I gave up and grabbed an energy drink. I think the worst part about it was how chipper and excited about the day she was. Nothing makes me grumpier than people being bright and happy as I'm pondering selling my soul for a few hours of rest. And I'm not sure if it was the energy drink or if Audrey's sunny mood rubbed off on me, but I did get out of my funk. Hopefully it lasts till bedtime. Wish me luck!!!